Children need community too! Not just for fun – but to keep them safe. Recent events - especially the news stories related to Phoebe Prince and criminal charges against some of her former classmates - have pointed out painfully to all parents how bullying can endanger our children. I enjoyed this recent New York Times Opinion piece by Susan Engel on preventing bullying. Find the piece here: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/07/23/opinion/23engel.html?src=me&ref=general. Importantly Engel notes (emphasis added) “[e]ducators need to make a profound commitment to turn schools into genuine communities. Children need to know that adults consider kindness and collaboration to be every bit as important as algebra and reading.”
I think many people believe that community for children just happens naturally. Kids like to play, hang-out and talk to one another. They have myriad opportunities to find each other – at school, sports and on the playground. Community for children seems to be something that we say “have at it” and let it go. It turns out, however, that shrugging off conscious community building among children – assuming that it will take care of itself – frequently creates bullying. This is the main point of Engel’s article.
Community building isn’t a job for teachers alone. Parents and neighbors can help children build community as well. So how can parents help children build community? There are myriad ways, but I thought I would blog about one that has been working for me this summer. I call it the “bring extra” principal. Two nights a week, my oldest son has three hours of baseball practice and games. Luckily, the baseball field complex has a playground attached. This is where little brother and I play, while big brother runs the bases and slams in homeruns (hopefully). Little brother quickly got tired of the play equipment, and I started to bring a sand bucket filled with $5.00 worth of toys from the second hand store. These were cheap plastic shovels, left over happy meal figurines, car and plastic doll dishes for making and “cakes.” Noticing the toys, my youngest son soon had several similar aged (toddler) friends and even a few grade-schoolers. A fierce battle for the one shovel ensued. I held up the extra doll dishes and suggested that these could be used for digging too. I suggested we bury cars in the sand and try to find them. Gentle redirection always seems to work.
The next week I brought more cheap plastic shovels. When my son dumped all his toys on the ground to play, kids quickly started to hover. Their polite, Minnesotan parents quickly intervened, telling them “those aren’t your things, honey.” I smiled and assured them we’d brought the toys to share. The parents still hesitated. “I bought everything from the thrift store for a few dollars. I don’t care if it gets lost or wrecked,” I added. That seemed to seal the deal. The next week more kids played. This past evening, as we near the end of baseball season, the kids are so familiar with my bucket, that they follow me to the sand box. Another parent started bringing additional toys. For the past few nights we’ve had half a dozen kids peacefully playing in the sand together. All the parents stay nearby, monitoring the conflicts over shovels, pointing out ways to share.
Thus my principal of “bring extra” for community building with kids was born. I note that it didn’t cost me much and doesn’t take a lot of time. Most evenings, I leave the filled bucket in my car for the next baseball night. Bring extra also works at the beach and family gatherings. And I’m thinking of trying it out next month as our family contemplates a week of camping on the lake. I’ll let you know how that goes. Flush with my success, I’m trying to think up new ways to put the “bring extra” principal to work other areas of my life with kids. Any ideas? Let me know.
I think many people believe that community for children just happens naturally. Kids like to play, hang-out and talk to one another. They have myriad opportunities to find each other – at school, sports and on the playground. Community for children seems to be something that we say “have at it” and let it go. It turns out, however, that shrugging off conscious community building among children – assuming that it will take care of itself – frequently creates bullying. This is the main point of Engel’s article.
Community building isn’t a job for teachers alone. Parents and neighbors can help children build community as well. So how can parents help children build community? There are myriad ways, but I thought I would blog about one that has been working for me this summer. I call it the “bring extra” principal. Two nights a week, my oldest son has three hours of baseball practice and games. Luckily, the baseball field complex has a playground attached. This is where little brother and I play, while big brother runs the bases and slams in homeruns (hopefully). Little brother quickly got tired of the play equipment, and I started to bring a sand bucket filled with $5.00 worth of toys from the second hand store. These were cheap plastic shovels, left over happy meal figurines, car and plastic doll dishes for making and “cakes.” Noticing the toys, my youngest son soon had several similar aged (toddler) friends and even a few grade-schoolers. A fierce battle for the one shovel ensued. I held up the extra doll dishes and suggested that these could be used for digging too. I suggested we bury cars in the sand and try to find them. Gentle redirection always seems to work.
The next week I brought more cheap plastic shovels. When my son dumped all his toys on the ground to play, kids quickly started to hover. Their polite, Minnesotan parents quickly intervened, telling them “those aren’t your things, honey.” I smiled and assured them we’d brought the toys to share. The parents still hesitated. “I bought everything from the thrift store for a few dollars. I don’t care if it gets lost or wrecked,” I added. That seemed to seal the deal. The next week more kids played. This past evening, as we near the end of baseball season, the kids are so familiar with my bucket, that they follow me to the sand box. Another parent started bringing additional toys. For the past few nights we’ve had half a dozen kids peacefully playing in the sand together. All the parents stay nearby, monitoring the conflicts over shovels, pointing out ways to share.
Thus my principal of “bring extra” for community building with kids was born. I note that it didn’t cost me much and doesn’t take a lot of time. Most evenings, I leave the filled bucket in my car for the next baseball night. Bring extra also works at the beach and family gatherings. And I’m thinking of trying it out next month as our family contemplates a week of camping on the lake. I’ll let you know how that goes. Flush with my success, I’m trying to think up new ways to put the “bring extra” principal to work other areas of my life with kids. Any ideas? Let me know.
Photo from this link: a href="http://www.publicdomainpictures.net/view-image.php?image=5404&picture=smiling-baby-girl">Smiling Baby Girlby Petr Kratochvil
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